getting back into the swing of things

Its interesting being back at home. I want to be reflective, to tell everyone what I've learned, how I am going to live differently, but after 4 days here I feel like I'm already back to the rat race. Its hard coming back from a place so drastically different expecting it to change me overnight. Life isn't that way. It takes discipline to change. It takes discipline to do anything worth doing, because those things that are worth it are never the easy thing to do. I wish I could lead a simpler lifestyle here, I wish I could give up my cling to materialism, and not want more things, I wish I could make my relationships more important than my job, my career, my errands, I wish I could continue to SPEAK PORTUGUESE like I could in brasil. But yet, already I am losing everything I've learned. I feel like americans have their priorities messed up, and that brazilians have somehow got it right. In that place where people sleep in, work enough to put food on the table and spend the rest of their time loving people, loving their community, loving life. Where did we go so wrong to always be waiting for life to start, but never realize that its already happening. How often do I tell myself that in 3 years life will start, without realizing that life is happening now. But yet, in all of this reflection, I think of Jeremiah 18: 11...i think. When Israel is being told by God that he will pour disaster upon them if they don't repent and they only reply "its no use, we will continue to follow the subborness of our evil hearts." So how do I take this with me? I learned when working in APAE, the special needs school I volunteered at, that a new person with new insight can't change the program entirely. In the same way, one good idea, won't change the person. You have to begin at the source of where inspiration, drive, determination, and desire come from: your heart, soul, mind. Saying that I want to be less materialistic without giving away something, or buying only what I need won't enable me to give up materialism. Saying that I want to put friends first, but still working more than I need to, or deciding to "fit" them into my schedule rather than fiting errands around my friendships, won't enable me to set my priorities right. I don't think that it should be easy to change your priorities, or to change the way you think, or live your life. But, since I would like to think of myself as a determined person, I would like to think that this isn't out of my reach.

beijos,

Ana