moving up river...

Many times as I sit in church during the sermon, I feel like the words Richard, or Phil, or Chris, or Matt... or any number of the amazing speakers at our church, are saying really hit home. This morning was one of those.
As I grabbed the bulliten out of my purse this morning when I got home, I began to read what it said on the front flap and realized how much more perfect the words Richard shared are. The front flap says:

"Have you ever spent a night out under the stars? Some do by choice, others by necessity. Either way, there's something about being in direct contact with the earth, void of the comforts and security of shelter, that's powerful. One's senses are tuned and there's an awareness of both beauty and danger that is powerful. But wether we're out for a night or a week, whether for backpacking or to fight a war, most of us go back inside at some point.
"Somehow, it's the inside living that deadens the senses. Inside, we're comfortable, but a little numb. The calling to those whose senses are deadened, to the complacent, the bored, and the comfortable is this: Remember Abraham. He tossed everything aside, left his country, and went out. It was there, while he was out, that he learned dependency. He was alternately afraid, and at rest, trusting and doubting, questioning and certain. And that, we're told, is the kind of journey each of us must take, at the very least in our hearts, whether or not we leave home or not."

Although Richard made a point to say that you don't need to leave home, I'm thankful that I get to. I thankful that I, like Abraham, have the opportunity to leave everything here, leave my country, and just go. I'm thankful yet pensive, excited yet fearful, peacful yet anxious, trusting yet questioning. Although I completely recognize that place in me that is dead, complacent, bored, and comfortable. I'm ready to be completely thrown out of my comfort zone, put on the edge and forced to hold on for God for everything he's got. I'm immensely excited to know Christ more fully, but apprehensive because I know He's going to show me things that I know I'm going to want to kick and scream over: run from the pain of knowing that branches need to be pruned if I'm going to know Christ more fully and be what he had in mind when he made me. So I'm going to accept that pain, that brokeness, that hurt knowing that he has so much better for me than I could imagine.
My waters are polluted, but He is the source. I will move up stream, drink in purer waters and continue my journey knowing that the closer I get to him, the more uncontaminated that water is, the more sustaining it is, the more refreshing it is, the more I realize how good the source is.

jesus, be the center, be my source, be my light, jesus...